My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
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