I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
