You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
