I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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