batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i just sent this text using only my big toe
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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