I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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