Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
