Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
