Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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