it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
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