Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
