farters have to be the big spoon...
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
