We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
