Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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