Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
