u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
