i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
