I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
