I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
My vagina is very pro this idea
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize