hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
