im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
