i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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