dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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