Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
