Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
