no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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