i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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