Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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