I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
