do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize