A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
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