Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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