yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
