You made me cry and you don't even care
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Your topless pictures make me question reality
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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