Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
