my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
