hell yes lets make some ravioli
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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