I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
