that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
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