This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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