In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
