thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
