Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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