Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
