it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
