im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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