Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
