youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
