I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
