whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
