I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
