your thong is hanging out like whoa
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize