Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
i came on her dog
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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