Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize