its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
my poor anus
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
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