I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
