It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
