is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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