38 yer olds are good kisserssss
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
