so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
