This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
