I'm laying in your front yard are you home
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
