I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
