allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
