Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
