I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
