Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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