if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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