On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
