i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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